


Better Off Dead

by Dragoniped



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Happy Birthday Iwa, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragoniped/pseuds/Dragoniped
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His parents were out at dinner and wouldn't be home until 11 at least. Oikawa was watching some ridiculous space movie trilogy, so would be occupied for the next 2 hours if he had started when he said he would (Iwaizumi had vehemently declined his best friends offers to join him). The timing was perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Starts With A Splash

Iwa stood beside the bath contemplatively. The water was hot beyond the point of being just uncomfortable and deep enough that he could probably lie quite easily in it. Not that it would matter. He hardly needed more than a bowlful of water to do what he had in mind, but a bath would just make sure he didn't fuck up.

 

He sighed as he dropped his shirt to the floor, followed by his trousers. After another breath, his boxers were unceremoniously dropped on the small heap, after all, this could be the last time he ever wears them.

 

Slowly, painstakingly slowly, he climbed into the bath, hissing at the pinprick sensations that ran the length of his legs from the second they entered the water. It was hotter than he had expected. The heat travelled his thighs as he lowered himself further, painting his skin several shades pinker with the barest of effort. Hands joined the water as it began traversing his abdomen. It was a small gesture, meant to mollify his skin, a desperate attempt to stop his nerves screaming at him.

 

There was probably some logical reason for not having a bath this hot, other than the pain. Something to do with dehydrating or damaging your skin.  _ Oikawa would know.  _ Of course that was the first place his mind went. Oikawa: his team captain, his pretty - faced setter and (though he couldn’t decide whether this was a good or bad thing) his best friend. Obviously, he cared deeply for Oikawa, he couldn't even begin to imagine life without him, but something about him, (His personality? His voice? His smile?) made Iwaizumi want to let his guard down around him. He hated it.

 

Why was he even thinking about Oikawa at a time like this? Was it procrastination? Panic? Was he even sure he wanted to do this? It was the perfect situation, perfect timing, if he wanted to. An opportunity like this may never present itself again.

 

His parents were out at dinner and wouldn't be home until 11 at least. Oikawa was watching some ridiculous space movie trilogy, so would be occupied for the next 2 hours if he had started when he said he would (Iwaizumi had vehemently declined his best friends offers to join him). It was perfect. 

 

He took a careful, long breath in, trying to calm himself and fight off the last ounces of hesitation. With slow, smooth movements he lowered himself under the water, until his entire body was submerged. The heat was barely tolerable, causing him to grit his teeth and try to bare it or risk losing the precious mouthful of air he had left.  _ His final breath. _

 

_ I'm going to do it.  _ His thoughts buzzed like angry bees as the unpleasant feeling of holding held his breath reverberated around his body with every strong thud of his quickened heart beat.  _ I'm actually going to kill myself.  _ A odd sensation bubbled in his stomach at the admission, causing his pulse to flutter erratically. 

 

Iwaizumi has his eyes, ironically, squeezed shut as though his life depended on it, matching the tension in his fists that seemed currently glued to his sides. The pain in his chest was gradually become more unbearable as if coaxing him into taking another breath. He knew he couldn't stall much longer.

 

One slow, shaky exhale that seemed to never end was followed by a sharp, strong inhale that allowed the water to burn his throat and lungs like molten glass. Iwaizumi could feel tears well in his eyes as he struggled to keep himself under the water. By now his heart rate was juddering in his ears and drowning out the sounds of the water splashing as he thrashed aimlessly in the enclosed space.

 

_ Oikawa..  _ What would he think when he found out? The idiot would almost definitely blame himself. Iwaizumi was sure his parents would also feel responsible.  _ It's not your fault.  _ The words repeatedly like a mantra in his head, trying to drown out the pain, regret and hesitation that threatened to rip him from the water.

  
Dread was all he could feel as black began to fill his view.  _ When did he open his eyes?  _ It hardly mattered, nothing did but he couldn't prevent his mind wandering as he slipped into unconsciousness.  _ Oikawa. _ He could almost hear his best friend calling his name, voice riddled with panic, as the room tipped to black and the pain left him to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I a horrible person? Probably.  
> Do I regret it? No.


	2. It Ends With Tears

Before opening his eyes, the first thing Iwaizumi heard was the steady beeping of a heart monitor.  _ Shit.  _ The obnoxious smell of disinfectant clung to the air with the same reverence as Oikawa felt for volleyball.  _ Shit!  _ The overwhelming bright white from the whitewashed walls, white bedspread and white lights threatened to give him a headache as he carefully opened his eyes.  _ I failed.  _

 

The realisation that he was still alive was, understandably, not welcomed. Iwaizumi had somewhat hoped that he wouldn't wake up at all. Hopefully, he would be able to explain himself out of the situation he had so wonderfully created by being stupid enough to  _ fail at killing himself.  _

 

He groaned in exasperation. How long was he even unconscious? 

 

“Iwa-chan?”

 

The sound of his nickname was surprising to say the least, he hadn't expected to hear it again after he said goodnight to Oikawa some time before trying to kill himself. The person in question was sat on a chair beside the bed, eyes wide and hair a bit of a mess. He had probably fallen asleep.

 

“Hey Shittykawa.” He smiled fondly at his best friend, trying to ignore how hoarse his voice sounded. Oikawa didn't seem to care, in a second he had jumped on Iwa, squeezing what little life he had out of him.

 

“Iwa, I was so scared! I thought you had died, that you were leaving me and, what happened? Did you fall? Are you okay? Promise you won't leave me Iwa-chan, you're my best friend, I need you, without you-” Iwaizumi cut off Oikawa’s mad ramblings with a quick whack to the head.

 

“Seriously, calm down. I'm fine,” he said simply, or as simply as he could manage (which was a little bit growly but otherwise okay). Oikawa smiled at that. It was one of his cute, dorky smiles that made Iwa want to punch him because  _ why did he have to be so cute? _

 

“I have a right to be worried, you passed out in the bath Iwa! Seriously, what were you thinking?” Oikawa’s words carried significantly less weight with that childish pout and stupid pose, arms crossed and head held high. He wanted to know what happened, but for now it could wait. What mattered was that his Iwa-chan was alright.

 

“What actually happened?” The word left his mouth before he could stop them. “Why am I here?”

 

The childish pout left Oikawa’s face immediately. “Don't you remember? Well, you were unconscious..” The setter looked at his hands as his words trailed off. When he looked up again his gaze mirrored his serious tone. “I came into your house to see if you could help me fix the TV,” as soon as Iwaizumi went to interrupt he held up a hand to silence him. “That doesn't matter anymore, Mattsun fixed it for me. I found out you were in the bath, but I heard a lot of splashing and got really worried. I had to break down the door and you were just lying there, under the water and I didn't know what happened so I called an ambulance.”

 

Iwaizumi wasn't sure how to respond. Part of him felt ridiculous, both for trying something like that and for failing, but he mainly just felt scared. Scared for what was going to happen next, how he was going to explain this, how he was going to get past this, but mostly he was scared about the people who cared about him. How would they react when they found out? Would they hate him? Think he hated them?

 

Apparently those conflicted emotions were too much for Iwaizumi to keep to himself because in seconds they presented themselves, rolling down his cheeks in mocking pairs. Oikawa didn't hesitate spite his confusion, wiping the tears from his best friends cheeks with a worried smile.

  
“Don't worry Iwa-chan, everything's okay, just calm down. Please don't cry,” his voice cracked on the last words. Regardless, his continued to stroke his cheeks before moving in to pull Iwaizumi into a close embrace, squeezing tighter as he heard him break into uncontrolled sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, it wasn't that bad! He didn't even die (this time).  
> Thanks for reading and any feedback's appreciated!


End file.
